Sometimes, counseling does not work.
This could be because your spouse adamantly refuses to go for counseling.
This could be because the both of you have tried counseling without success.
Often, in counseling, issues are raised and efforts are made to try to resolve them, etc.
However, sometimes, despite both parties' best efforts, no resolution is achieved.
Turning over a new leaf
The common meaning of turning over a new leaf is to:
-start to act or behave in a better or more responsible way.
However, our meaning is different.
Our meaning is closer to chong2 xin1 zuo4 ren2 which means to
-start a new life; or
-make a fresh start.
The thinking behind chong2 xin1 zuo4 ren2
The thinking is as follows:
-Sometimes, the solution to serious marital problems is not to surface issues, talk about them and agree on how to resolve them.
-Sometimes, both parties already know what the issues are.
-Sometimes, surfacing these issues and talking about them can make things worse.
-One way forward is to give in to the other side -- surrender totally and completely.
By suddenly re-setting the relationship, by instantaneously changing into the perfect spouse, you can send a clear signal to your spouse that you are very serious about saving your marriage.
The good news is that you are likely to be in a good position to be the perfect spouse to your spouse.
The reasons are:
-You already know what the problems are.
-You already know what he or she likes and dislikes.
-You know exactly how to be the perfect spouse.
The 3 nevers
To be the perfect spouse, there are 3 things you should never do.
-never argue with your spouse.
(If there is an old issue that you disagree with your spouse about, you must give in to him or her.
You are aiming to be the perfect spouse.)
(If there is a new issue that you disagree with your spouse about, you can raise this with your spouse only two times (on separate occasions).After that you must give in to him or her.
You cannot win any argument with your spouse:
If you lose the argument, you lose.
If you win the argument, you still lose.
And, no nagging.Perfect spouses never nag.)
-never demand or bargain.
(Never say to her: I have been so good; I have been a perfect spouse so you should do this or that.
You are aiming to be a perfect spouse to your spouse and perfect spouses do not make demands or bargain like that.)
The above is not legal advice and should not be taken as such.
Call 6535 1800 now for a No Obligation discussion.
Lam & Co. (Advocates & Solicitors): An International and Singapore divorce law firm.
We can help by addressing your questions and speaking about how to move forward.