Your husband is in the shower. His handphone rings and you pick up the call. A woman says, "Hi, honey, thanks so much for the flowers." When you ask who she is calling, the woman hangs up. Your husband has caller ID and you call the woman back but she does not pick up.
What should you do?
Another example: You get a WhatsApp message and you open it. It is a sexually suggestive message addressed to someone else. Then you check and find that it had come from your wife's handphone number.
What should you do?
First of all, you should not straightaway confront your spouse.
1. Preserve the evidence. Of course, if the message has come into your handphone, you should back it up, print it out and keep the copies in a safe place (which should be someplace other than the home). Then, you should change the password on your handphone.
If the message is on your spouse's handphone or computer, you can consider taking a photo with your own handphone or sending a copy to yourself. In this connection, you should also consider whether you have your spouse's consent (express or implied) to use his (or her) handphone and for what purpose. If your husband (or wife) has asked to help answer his calls, then that is express consent. Implied consent can be from his previous conduct in allowing you to look at his handphone or answer SMS-es for him. Whether his consent extends to taking copies can be a complex legal question.
2. Review the evidence (when you have calmed down and are in a place safe from prying eyes). Take a look at the message with fresh, objective eyes. Can there be an innocent explanation? Was it nothing more than an innocent mistake? What if your wife's colleague was playing a practical joke on her?
3. Review your relationship. Is it still all good? Do you two still have great, exciting sex? Does he still do all the little things that he knows you like best, e.g., the occasional shoulder rub, holding your hand, etc? Do you still have that special sense that it is just the two of you against the rest of the world?
Or, has your husband become self-absorbed, withdrawn or emotionally distant? Did he get angry or defensive and flare up at you over minor things or innocent, normal questions? Did he complain that you were too controlling of him and his movements? Was he out of the home for more and longer periods, using excuses like business trips, more demanding situations at the office, after hours meetings, etc?
4. Seek independent help. You may wish to reach out to a trusted and wise friend or religious leader for an alternative assessment of the situation. In any case, you should seriously consider seeking independent, professional advice from a marriage counselor and a lawyer.
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