If your spouse wants a divorce and refuses to go for counseling, this means that the situation is serious and you must take immediate action.
What you can do
First of all, you should consider going to a see a counselor on your own.
This may appear strange.We feel this can be a good idea because even if you went alone, the counselor may still be able to help you by:
-introducing an impartial, objective and professional perspective.
-identifying the issues and sources of conflict.
-suggesting ways to resolve them.
Whether or not you see a counselor on your own, you should also take a "time out".
In this context, we mean you should find some quiet time to think and assess the situation.
This should not be when you two are arguing or having a conflict.It should also not be when the two of you have just been arguing.
It is important to have some distance and some time to calm down in order to think properly and calmly review the situation.
Secondly, as you want to save the marriage, you should identify the sources of conflict.
Here, you will usually be in a good position to do so since you are married to your spouse and you often be familiar with his or her likes and dislikes.
Thirdly, you have to decide how to resolve the conflicts.
On this point, the most common situation is:
-The both of you have already argued over these conflicts over and over again. And, that is probably the reason why your spouse wants a divorce.
Because of this, you must face up to the hard truths:
-Your spouse is not willing (or not able) to change his or her stance.
-Worse still, he or she is not willing to attending counseling.
(This means there is no chance of working out the problem with the help of a professional.)
-You must ask yourself:
Are you prepared to give in on this (and other) source(s) of conflict or not?
You should share your conclusions from the above with your counselor before taking any action.
In this way, you can leverage on his or her professional input and maximize your chances of success.
The above is not legal advice and should not be taken as such.
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Lam & Co. (Advocates & Solicitors): An International and Singapore divorce law firm.
We can help by addressing your questions and speaking about how to move forward.